All Over And Everywhere.

There have been many times in my life that I've felt down and Ma ore than a few deep depressions, but at the moment I seem to be in the middle of something a little different and, for me, odd. I know I'm depressed, I know it's more than just feeling down but it isn't a deep depression, at least not all of the time and not in the way I usually experience them. It's almost like an amalgam of the two, I slip from one to the other and back again almost imperceptibly and without warning, at least a few dozen times a day. Part of my head seems locked into the worst of it and the rest flows between the two extremes of down. There are a fair number of external factors that are having a major effect on my mental state as well, which is another change because normally the majority of the triggers and contributing factors are internal. It does feel at the moment like everything is going a bit wrong, from finances to household electrical items not working properly to housing problems to personal screw ups, and there are so many of those that are completely out of my control or ability to cope with at the moment. I know that I should really try to deal with it all in the way laid out in the serenity prayer, but I find that difficult, or even impossible, because most of the time I feel very weak of action, mind and ability. This depression has me firmly in its grip at the moment, all I can hope is that I find a way to be free of it soon.