Is The Fat Man Spread Too Thin?

Over the last recentness I have started or taken on a few things, to add to the other things I already have to do. The question is am I taking on too much, especially at a time when my mind is doing a lot of screaming at me and wanting to either hide or destroy? As I have been reminded, at the moment neither of the two newest things I'm going to take on are definate, it could be that they will come to nothing, so until I start them I won't know if they will continue and therefore take any of my time and focus. So I shall wait and see what happens, but it won't stop me worrying about things, I don't think anything would. There are still the other things, some of which are things I have to do and some are things I have said I will do but am unsure of both my ability to carry out and how well I can do them. Me doubting myself and my abilities is nothing new, in fact it has been a habit of mine for as long as I can remember but it is based on experience of me screwing things up and, although I know it is mostly me setting the levels of how good or bad I am at doing things, not achieving anywhere near a good level of success. Maybe I am just talking rubbish again, maybe I am completely paranoid and have a leaning towards self destruction, maybe none of that or this is true, maybe I am not true, maybe there is no truth, maybe all things are true, maybe or maybe not. There is no way of knowing and no way of being without it in my head. There is nothing I can do to get rid of it from my head, I just have to find a way for it and I to co-exist and live peacefully together, instead of dying angrily together. Like any relationship there has to be a certain amount of ..... what is that word? You know, when both sides have to give up things in order for them to work together, er...... can't think of it....... compromise, that's it. The problem is all the compromises will be on my side as far as I can see, I can't see it giving way on anything. Even then there is no possible way to tell if things will work out, also do I want them too? Now there's a question. Yes it is!!!


I have sat away from this for a while, not to think about it or anything in particular, but to see what else may be happening in and around. I fear for the future of our planet; I fear for the future of our country; I fear for our children's future; I fear for the lives of the sick, poor, elderly and disabled; and most of all I fear for the people closest to me and how their futures will be. We live in a world where caring for others is met with ridicule and even hatred on a national, political level, and yet we raise more money for more than one TV charity night every year. Some people have said to me that they don't see why I'm depressed because so many other people in the world have it so much worse than I do, but my empathy towards those others feeds my feelings. I would ask how can anyone now feel depressed given the way the world is going, surely NOT feeling anxious or depressed in these times is more of a mental illness than depression.