Today I have an audition for a band. The fear that I have is physical, I have been feeling ill for the last week and my throat is sore and I feel anxious and everything. I have been assured by my darling wife that I always get like this when I have to do things like this. I don't know but I expect that I probably do. Never having sung most of the songs they do and not actually knowing a few of them, only having heard them in passing, adds to the fear greatly. I like to kid myself that I am a singer, and a few people have told me I have a good voice, but I'm not sure I believe it really. It feels like another of those things I can get by doing but am not really as good as I make out or people seem to think. Am I right or are they, I can't tell and will probably always believe I'm not good enough, it has been the same with everything in my life. I think that my therapists may have been right when they have told me I lack self belief. As to the rehearsal, we shall see.
Lately I have been feeling the grip of guilt relating to things I did and didn't do while I was drinking. This guilt lays heavy on top of the depression and weighs me down greatly. I never forget about it but sometimes I can cope with it better than others. The trouble is I don't know how to deal with it or get rid of it, or if that is even possible.
My thoughts of late have been fairly dark and deflating, I hope the call I made about therapy brings some help soon. I'm fed up of being fed up.
You do have a great voice. There is no doubt about that. Good luck. X
ReplyDeleteThank you x
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